Blondie L. Clayton

The following questions may expose your thoughts, highs, lows, confusion, fears, anxiety and discomfort about money. These are not new to you but disturbances you, perhaps, have chosen to ignore as it relates to your earning, handling and distribution of money:

1. Are you uncomfortable accepting money from your spouse?

2. Do you feel every time you get paid, you have to buy something for yourself because you worked hard and you deserve it?

3. Does your spouse have to give an account to you for every penny spent?

4. Does spending money make you happy but after it’s gone, you feel sad?

5. Do you feel angry when you shop and don’t have enough money?

6. Do handling large sums of money make you feel anxious, uncomfortable, or fearful?

7. Do you feel powerful, high, and confident when you have money in your possession?

8. When you receive your paycheck do you feel disappointed?

9. After you spend money, whether for dinner, or something else, does it make you feel guilty, undeserving?

10. Are you afraid to handle your own money; checking account, etc.

Whether you answered a clear “yes” or you struggled to resist the roller coaster of thoughts and feelings in and out of your mind and body, there just might be something to this idea of an emotional attachment to money.

In her book “The 9 Steps To Financial Freedom” Suze Orman gives an example of a man who had an experience with money at nine years old, that carried over into his adult married life, leaving him refusing to have a joint account with his wife. Why? Because his sister had stolen money he had been saving to buy a trampoline as a child. He held those feelings way into his adult life, affecting his financial decisions and his relationship with his wife.

For years I, too, struggled to understand this force behind the shame and guilt related to my handling of money. A desperation that forced me to take the journey through the maze of past experiences with money, ending up with bizarre behaviors like my grandfather putting dimes in brown paper and placing them in his shoe to ward off evil spirits; or listening and watching my grandmother manipulate neighbors and friends to empty their purses to her tales of woe. A childhood experience, which translated into confusion, guilt and shame connected to those acts involving money.

Philosopher Jacob Needleman wrote in his book “Money and the Meaning of Life: “If only we would step back and look at the emotional and spiritual effects money has on us, the green stuff could serve the aim of self-knowledge and become a tool for breaking out of our mental prison.”

In order to understand the role of emotions, and money, we must first translate the word “emotion” into its definition of “feelings”. And just like feelings for people and situations in life go up and down, money can have that same affect. Those feelings connected to money, become an emotional attachment that can have a negative affect on your life.

Suze Orman also wrote in her book: “In our culture it’s okay to talk about therapy we’ve gone through, marital problems we’ve had, our deepest intimate secrets—but telling the truth about money, confessing our worries to our children, our parents, our friends, just isn’t done. Money is our secret both in private and in public.”

Statistics show that the amount of personal bankruptcies and household debt has climbed to trillions, further evidence of a growing problem. Credit counseling agencies have helped some to make the corrections but for those caught up in the emotional attachment to money; few ever look beyond bad management to ask: What’s behind this need to spend one’s self into debt and financial ruin? Where did these destructive patterns originate? What drives you to spend until you get in over your head? Why do you wait until it’s too late to seek help? Is it possible these fears, anxieties and the negatives associated with money have caused many to end up on skid row, sabotaging their careers, marriages, etc., while this secret demon is at work and the spender is none the wiser?

If you have been on that long path of trying to achieve financial freedom, yet it seems that it is a never-ending journey of ups and downs financially, perhaps there are some emotional cobwebs that you need to remove.

Start with those questions at the beginning of the article. Take them one by one. Jot down your feelings. Sort through and identify each feeling individually. Is it guilt? Then ask yourself “Why do I feel guilty?” Who is responsible for you feeling this way? Keep asking the question until you get the right answer, the one that sets you free. Don’t be discouraged if it is not right away. It has been buried a long time. Is having money in conflict with your spiritual upbringing? What you are searching for is the truth, what or who is behind those feelings. Face the truth. Let the truth be like a double edge sword: Cutting and healing at the same time. The liberating end result will far outweigh the pain or discomfort.

As you move through these roadblocks, one step at a time, remember you are trying to achieve “Money Maturity”. If you discover it is a person you haven’t forgiven, forgive them. Oh, and don’t forget to forgive yourself. Keep in mind your goal is to turn those unhealthy emotional attachments into detached healthy feelings.

According to George Kinder, a Harvard trained Certified Financial Planner, in his book The Seven Stages of Money Maturity: Understanding the Spiritual Value of Money in Your Life, demonstrates how we can literally transform our lives emotionally and financially by achieving “money maturity”—a full understanding of the spiritual and psychological issues surrounding our money lives.

Money without spiritual awareness quickly becomes a god. Those who have made it a god, have suffered greatly, paid a heavy price. True money maturity takes into account a balance of body, mind and spirit operating together. When you understand that money provides but is not THE PROVIDER, then and only then will you be content with the money you acquire and the financial freedom you desire.

“In 1917 it was illegal to disseminate technical knowledge of sex in the United States,” according to a book produced by the Ambassador College called God Speaks Out on the New Morality.

In the 50's and 60's most parents thought it was better to remain silent on the subject of sex. “Save yourself for marriage,” was a common response to such matters. Perhaps they hoped that on their wedding night a husband or wife would figure out what to do.

The Catholic Church's view that sex was degradingly sinful was also later adopted by churches overal, leaving the people no explanation, no understanding. Curious but daring not to ask questions.

This silence left the door open for people like Sigmund Freud to propose his theory, that not to have sex was unhealthy, stressful and caused illness. The men loved it. Many men adopted the thinking, that they had to have sex or semen would back up in the brain and kill or cripple them.

Freud opened the door to emancipation. Pre-marital sex became the “in thing”, sample the goods before you tie the knot. The voice of the feminist could be heard shouting “you can do what you want with your body. You’re your own woman.”

Where are those feminist now? Have you watched a commercial lately? Women and girls are used to sell more products and services today than ever. Exploited in every way in advertising, magazines, radio and TV commercials, major appeal in motion pictures, in television and popular songs. And the sad part, no one is squawking. There is a silence. It seems as if nobody cares about the woman’s plight.

The price of sexual freedom is degrading, isn’t it? Caught up in the lure of money, women bare it all, while someone reaps the benefits. Women think they are free and can do what turns them on. "It’s my body," is a repetitive echo from her lips.

When will it stop? How far will a woman go? Where is the voice of morality that will rise up and say, “You will not call women those names in songs and motion pictures, or on TV? The worst part is: women think it is okay.

As I look back, I can remember having silent parents on the issue of sex. I wished there had been more information on the subject to guide my path, so that I wouldn’t end up an unwed mother. Instead, I was the beneficiary of the half truths of others. “If you get too hot, take a cold shower? If a boy kisses you, you will get pregnant. Save yourself for marriage.” You were to take this information as truths and not get involved in adult things, they called it.

The interesting thing about growing up like that, you took it on blind faith. Marriage meant something. Courtships were not taken lightly by you or your parents. At worst, this ignorance and prudery bore the fruit of unhappy marriages, but marriages were still sacred.

But what has this new morality wrought? The freedom of doing your own thing, thinking that it’s nobody’s business is erroneous. Each of us are interdependent, we need each other, what we do affects one another.

Lets look at the act of sex. When one has sex outside the confines of marriage, what is the emotional impact? Think about it! Those emotions may require psychological intervention, medical diagnosis, family turmoil, leading to disruptions in the community.

As the moral thread of our society continues to erode, what is the result? The sacredness of marriage is losing ground. Families destroyed through divorce. Juvenile delinquency is up more than it ever was in the 60’s or 70’s, not to mention the new diseases that have sprung up with no cure that are sex related.

Man has decided that he is smarter than his Creator; he has chartered his own course; he has derived his own answers; he has taken control. What is the answer to stopping this downward spiral? Is it too late, or are we doomed? How long will it be before this decay consumes us, makes our environment unsafe to live?

On the issue of sex, we have sought every authority and adopted, and conformed to their explanations for the uses of sex, but ignored the one who created us and therefore instituted sex. The church has been ashamed to say, “God created sex”. The first book of the Bible tells us that. It clearly states that “God blessed them and said to them, ‘be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it…” If you believe the Bible, then what is sinful about sex? Why are we afraid to talk about it, or tell our children the truth? You can’t be fruitful and multiply, unless you have sex.

The knowledge of sex was not written by man, but by God. In the Ten Commandments, we see clearly, a set of rules we have used to govern our lives for centuries, makes us aware that the only time sex is sinful is when it is done before marriage, or outside of the marriage bed.

What many parents have done is left sexual instruction up to the educational system. The purpose of sex has nothing to with the disorders Freud proposed. Marriage is not only a physical union but a divine institution, ordained by God. When a husband and wife come together in a physical sexual union, they are glorifying God. That is why Satan hates it. A child is the way God duplicates himself on earth through this Holy Union.

God knew we would fall prey to this trickery through temptation. It is time to wakeup, women and men. This is a call to regain your purity before the Lord. No matter what has happened to you, how you reacted, God wants to forgive you.

Length of life is not promised to us. The Bible does mention that because of the deteriorating morals of men, that they would no longer live to be over 900 years old but in fact until they are 120 years old.
It's funny, we exercise a lot of control over many things in our lives. It is important that we do that. But I have often wondered, as I am sure many, why can't we conquer death. A few have mastered illness, but I have known many who fought the good fight, yet they still lost in the end.

I lost my cousin this week. It was sudden. Her husband left home for work, came home and found her dead in the bed. She never got up. I can't imagine what that must feel like. It is beyond my comprehension.

I would have loved for her to stay, to be present at another family gathering but her time was up. None of us know when our time is up. I think about that some times in the planning of my day. Try not to leave too many tasks unfinished, because it will affect someone, that I didn't hold up my end of that task for the day.

When you are dead that is no longer a concern of yours. It might be to the person or persons you left without completing your task. After awhile the person who picked up your task, just picks up the ball and goes on.

I miss people who I have lost to death. I wanted them to live. I have even asked myself at times: Why do good people die and bad people live? I will never get use to death. No matter how much you may think you are prepared it leaves an ache in your heart.

Death is not understood. I once was afraid of dying. I've gotten better. I know that one day I too will close my eyes and never again will I see the wonders that greet me every day that I lived. I will be able to accept it. For my family it will be hard, but soon those hurts will heal and fade away.

May God bless and keep you until the end, whatever that is to you.

My husband just read me something on the bird flu. How much have you heard about it lately? At your job does your employer have some plan in place, just in case? What precautions are employers taken to protect you at work from people with illnesses?

Is bird flu a threat? According to a Florida Housewife name Brendanne Phillips book "What You Must Do To Escape The Bird Flu" it is a real possibility. Wonder why is the CDC not posting notices? I don't believe our government is prepared for a pandemic, neither are our cities, just my personal opinion after reading Brendanne's book.

I think that those who have left their safety up to the government and their local city leaders will be in for a shock. How are you fixed for survival? Hope you spent a few years in boy scouts or girl scouts, you're going to need it one day.

America is living under the pressure of threats. That has now been passed on to the people. The people are stressed out. Feeling like they are being held hostage.

I think there should be a move to have designated places in our local community to hand out masks, etc., just in case of dirty air. If we are out in the street, there won't be time to get to our homes. But we have heard nothing about these types of initiatives.

New Orleans government broke down. There was nothing in place to handle the magnitude of what took place. When the leaders break down, whom the people are looking for help from, then what? We cannot afford to have a country that breaks down.

I do not intend to wait for my leaders to take care of my family, to protect my family. I suggest you do the same. Buy extra cans of stuff that have a long shelf life. Think about what you would do if you didn't have electricity, refrigeration, medication?

It's election time and things are heating up in South Florida. Since when is it all right to slang mud to skirt the issues. Why are campaign dollars being spent to stream television clips pointing out the skeletons in the closet. It makes me wonder who is advising these candidates to fight mud with mud. Frankly I think it sucks and should stop. Then on the other side, there is a purpose that somehow we as the voter may be missing. Is all of this just to throw up smoke screens to confuse us? Personally, when I hear the mud I don't want to participate in the voting system. I figure, what the heck, they all are crooks. So what am I voting for, the lesser of the two evils? There seems to be something wrong with that picture, don't you think?

Voters should fight back by not going to the polls at all. Why put in someone who already has skeletons falling out of his/her closet. We are no longer making right choices, not if each candidate has a sorted past of undercover, selfishness, greed, improprieties.

Dissatisfied? You betcha! Why are we settling for these choices? What message are we sending to these already seemingly corrupt politicians, according to the streaming ads? Wouldn't it shock those running the system, if the voters decided to do something different?

What could we do different? Are we stuck voting for people who are campaigning on a dirty ticket? Politicians campaigning for office have grown more and more distasteful in my eyes. I'd like to see one who did not respond to the dirt, but let the hammer fall where it may.

It's time to put a stop to this type of politics. I've had it! Who regulates campaign operations any way? Whoever it is, we should send them a million notes demanding that they no longer allow this type of campaign strategy to fly.

Wake up America! Politicians who are about pay off and profit will not have your best interest at heart. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Silence is a signal we accept corruption in the government that is suppose to be for the people.

Perhaps we should call upon the moral conscience of the politicians--if they still have one. I don't know why I continue writing on this subject. I guess because it helps me to release my annoyance with the present system.

Will we ever get back to the way things use to be, where politicians--Stop! I just remembered there are still a few hold outs who respect the concerns of their constituents. So I guess all politicians are not bad, just where are the good ones, why are we constantly bombarded with the bad ones.

Anyway, enough of this>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>